Who's Lonely?



There are times my heart really goes out to our Presidents. Not
only do they have the toughest job in the world, in addition to
that they cannot win, no matter what they decide. Since doves
and hawks will never coexist, there is no way a president can
ever get them in the same cage together. There must be times
when they begin  to doubt their own value - - times when they
hear the footsteps of his critics and wonders if they may be
right. The Oval Office has to be the loneliest place in America.
The only comfort the man has is that he is not unique. Every
President who preceded him experienced similar struggles. 

Being the Chief includes that occupational hazard. I was
reminded of this recently when I read of a television program
aired on PBS on that most staid of subjects -- a library. 

This, however, was the Library of Congress, and the PBS's former
chairman, Sir Huw Wheldon, was standing in a forest of card
index files. The program had all the makings of a slow-moving,
dull documentary until.... About halfway through, Dr. Daniel
Boorstin, the Librarian of Congress, brought out a little blue
box from a small closet that once held the library's rarities. 

The label on the box read: Contents of the President's Pockets
on the Night of April 14, 1865. Since that was the fateful night
Abraham Lincoln was assassinated, every viewer's attention was
seized. Boorstin then proceeded to remove the items in the small
container and display them on camera. 

There were five things in the box: 

A handkerchief, embroidered "A. Lincoln" 

A country boy's pen knife 

A spectacles case repaired with string

A purse containing a $5 bill -- Confederate money (!) 

Some old and worn newspaper clippings 

"The clippings," said Boorstin, "were concerned with the great
deeds of Abraham Lincoln. And one of them actually reports a
speech by John Bright which says that Abraham Lincoln is "one of
the greatest men of all times." 

Today, that's common knowledge. The world now knows that British
statesman John Bright was right in his assessment of Lincoln,
but in 1865 millions shared quite a contrary opinion. The
President's critics were fierce and many. His was a lonely agony
that reflected the suffering and turmoil of his country ripped
to shreds by hatred and cruel, costly war. There is something
touchingly pathetic in the mental picture of this great leader
seeking solace and self-assurance from a few old newspaper
clippings as he reads them under the flickering flame of a
candle all alone in the Oval Office. 

Have you ever felt all by yourself? Have you been in a crowd and
felt that no one was touching you emotionally? Have you tried to
communicate and felt that you were speaking English to someone
who understood only Swahili? Have you wanted to tell someone how
lonely that you were, only to hold back because they seemed so
happy and together that they might wonder what was wrong with
you? 

If you have never had any of those feelings, you may not be
interested in listening any more. We will forgive you if you
doze or read your Bible or Sabbath School lesson. 

If you understand what I am talking about, you are in the
company of some great people. Perhaps today, with hundreds of TV
channels, tens of thousands of books and magazines, radio
channels that fill the spectrum, and communication that won't
quit, we as individuals have lost the still small voice.
Standing in a flood we feel powder dry. 

A story that you have probably heard tells of a young girl that
was afraid to go to sleep alone. Her mother tried to reassure
her that God was in the room with her. While this might have
brought some comfort, it was not enough. The girl responded.
"Yeah, but I need someone with skin." 

Do you understand that? Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said, "It
is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper
comparable to him." 

19 Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the
field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see
what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living
creature, that was its name. 

20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air,
and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not
found a helper comparable to him. 

God, in the garden home, created Adam. Then he said that it was
not good for Adam to be alone. So he created the animals. And
God made animals so that Adam would not be alone. And Adam got
along with them OK. But he noticed that God had given every
animal a special companion. 

Only when Adam saw his need did the Creator fill it. 

What is special about relationships that we need them? And what
are the characteristics of a relationship that soothes
loneliness? And perhaps first of all, what are the possible
reasons for loneliness? And any or all of these may function
together. 

Perhaps, first, is the obvious. We are by ourselves. But
loneliness is not just living alone. It is a feeling of being
disconnected from humanity around you. Perhaps you are.

Second is depression. Now today, I do not want to talk of
depression caused by chemical imbalances in the body. That
requires professional intervention. Though that will cause
feelings of loneliness. The depression that I speak of here is
of a lower grade, though bothersome, has different roots. 

Third, and perhaps most common, We are disconnected emotionally.
This may happen for many reasons. Perhaps we are hiding our true
selves from the world, or even ourselves. Maybe we are trying so
hard to present a picture of who we are NOT that we cannot let
people see the least of who we are.

I want to look at two Bible characters as we examine loneliness.
Both were men called by God. Both lived in crisis times. One was
named Elijah, the other Jonah. 

If we were to follow the life of Elijah, we will find some
interesting insights. Did not appear to be lonely when he strode
into the court of Ahab and pronounced doom for Israel. Did not
appear to be lonely when he was alone in the wilderness being
fed by ravens. Did not appear to be lonely when he stood against
the prophets of Baal on Carmel. 

But after the greatest victory for the Lord in decades, he ran
from a woman, and is ready to curl up and die. 

1 Kings 19:14 And he said, "I have been very zealous for the
LORD God of hosts; because the children of Israel have forsaken
Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets
with the sword. I alone am left; and they seek to take my life." 

How does God respond? Does God "Bless him out?"

No.  He merely asks, "Elijah, what are you doing here?"

Then when Elijah responds, God replies. 1 Kings 19:15 Then the
LORD said to him: "Go, return on your way to the Wilderness of
Damascus; and when you arrive, anoint Hazael as king over Syria. 

16 "Also you shall anoint Jehu the son of Nimshi as king over
Israel. And Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel Meholah you shall
anoint as prophet in your place. 

17 "It shall be that whoever escapes the sword of Hazael, Jehu
will kill; and whoever escapes the sword of Jehu, Elisha will
kill. 

18 "Yet I have reserved seven thousand in Israel, all whose
knees have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth that has not
kissed him." 

Note, there is no long sermon about what he should have been
doing. Elijah knew he was not supposed to be there. Other than
the one question, God does not berate his prophet. God just
tells him to get back to work. You are still my prophet. I still
have work for you to do. God tells him in essence that God is in
charge, and there are many people left who worship Jehovah. 

Then God did something wonderful. He gave Elijah a companion. He
was sent to call Elisha to prophetic ministry, and they were
together from that time until Elijah was taken to heaven. 

The second instance is the prophet Jonah. We see something a
little different in Jonah's story from Elijah's. We can trace
feelings of depression and loneliness early in the story. As we
look at the information in his story. Jonah's loneliness was a
direct result of moving deliberately away from God. 

Jonah is given a mission. Jonah does not want the mission. It
involves offering salvation to people that Jonah did not want to
see saved. A type of racism, if you will. Or national pride. 

So Jonah runs. From God. Now we may laugh at the thought of
running from God, but in those days, the concept was that
different areas of land had different gods, and these gods
pretty much looked out for their turf. 

But Jehovah is the God of the whole world, as Jonah is to find
out. From the belly of the ship, to the belly of the whale, to
the belly (center) of the evil empire that he hated, Jonah tried
to run from God, even when he was going in the direction that
God told him to go physically. 

The turning point in this whole story is telling.

Jonah 2:1 Then Jonah prayed to the LORD his God from the fish's
belly. 

2 And he said: "I cried out to the LORD because of my
affliction, And He answered me. "Out of the belly of Sheol I
cried, And You heard my voice. 

3 For You cast me into the deep, Into the heart of the seas, And
the floods surrounded me; All Your billows and Your waves passed
over me. 

4 Then I said, 'I have been cast out of Your sight; Yet I will
look again toward Your holy temple.' 

5 The waters surrounded me, even to my soul; The deep closed
around me; Weeds were wrapped around my head.

6 I went down to the moorings of the mountains; The earth with
its bars closed behind me forever; Yet You have brought up my
life from the pit, O LORD, my God. 

7 "When my soul fainted within me, I remembered the LORD; And my
prayer went up to You, Into Your holy temple. 

8 "Those who regard worthless idols Forsake their own Mercy. 

9 But I will sacrifice to You With the voice of thanksgiving; I
will pay what I have vowed. Salvation is of the LORD." 

Yet when it is all said and done. After preaching what Jonah
knew to be a call to repentance, we find him sitting on a hill
overlooking Ninevah, waiting for God to destroy it, and angry
with God because He did not. 

What do the prophets tell us about loneliness and depression?
Factors seem to be: 

Struggles with ones beliefs.

 Running from God.

 Doing what you do not want to do. 

Things not going the way that you want them to go. 

Physical, mental, emotional isolation, imposed by self or
others. 

We need to be square with God, but we also need care with skin
on it. So do others.  

Why do we not connect with others? We need to be accepted. But
we cannot accept that you will accept me when you know who I
really am. Acquaintances may help block out loneliness for a
while, but each of us needs someone to whom we can take our
deepest griefs, our most dastardly deeds, our perpetual fallings
to without fear of rejection. 

Someone wrote, "I might be free to admit certain sins and
struggles, but I'm too ashamed to admit them to anyone but God.
He might accept me, but I don't accept myself and therefore
cannot believe that others would." Strangely enough, our
brokenness, can help us reach others. Because I do not feel that
loneliness is an isolated human experience. The humanity of
Jesus reached out in the garden of Gethsemane to his disciples.
On the cross it was the grief of loneliness that ultimately
killed our Savior. 

The simple fact is that none of us in our human flesh is
comfortable with being real.  And many of us will associate
loneliness with sin.  One writer wrote, "While loneliness and
sin are not the same things, it is impossible for us to share
loneliness without also sharing our inner faults and weaknesses
- the things that make us feel unacceptable. We sense that we
cannot be open without these tendencies becoming visible, and
this is why we often avoid vulnerability with others."

That is why, when we are asked how things are going with us,
that we smile and say "fine" or "great" when inside we are
hanging onto sanity with our fingernails.  We need to be real
with someone,  and there is someone who needs to be real with us.

Have you ever thought that an admission of your venerability
might be the way that someone else finds Jesus?  When it is OK
for you to be real, and it is OK for someone to be real around
you, then you can begin to have a real witness.  Someone wrote "
When I share my lonely, sinful heart with people and get
accepted anyway, it feels like forgiveness and grace. While
other people cannot grant me release for self-shame and guilt,
their acceptance of me in spite of what they now know brings me
some degree of courage in accepting myself.! It's ironic; I'm
usually the last person to give myself grace."

Since Adam and Eve began to experience emotional loneliness
after their sin, it has become more and more important to work
to understand that loneliness. We also need to recognize that
loneliness is a call to relationship.  It is a symptom that we
need to be real with each other and with God.  It is a calling
to recognize the loneness of others.  It is an opportunity for
witness.

As you talk with Christians and non-Christians, you will find
some perceptions.  Probably in many cases reflecting reality. 
You are not safe with a Christian.  They have it so together,
they are so sure of what is right and wrong,  they are so
perfect that you cannot afford to be around them.  You will hear
the term hypocrite tossed around.

Are we a safe community?  Or do we to hide our loneliness and
point out the issues with everyone else, fearing lest anyone
approach to close to us and recognize us for the damaged human
beings that we are?  Let me assure you, brothers and sisters,
many doctrinal issues are not doctrinal issues at all with
people.  They becomes shields and defenses lest we are
approached to closely and people see who we really are.

But let me ask you, what would he the effect on the world, and
us,  if Christians were known as those who (like their Master)
made available their loneliness and wounds to others to use as a
source of healing?

Instead, Christians are usually seen as the most pretentious,
non-inclusive, and judgmental element in society. It seems as if
rather than being the most secure people we are just the
opposite. The mistake we make is in thinking that such privacy
is harmless.

Because we have not yet dared to risk the necessary
vulnerability of deep relationship with those who don't know
Jesus are robbed of the opportunity to meet Him through a
genuine relationship with us.

Instead, we focus on sterile techniques that allow us to explain
the Bible to the unchurched while never getting close enough for
them to see our humanity. Indeed, we often protect ourselves
even from those in the church who so desperately need to know
they aren't the only ones who feel lonely.

When we hide our weaknesses, we offer a living testimony to the
world that says, "God hasn't healed my insecurity, and He
probably won't for you. either." Why would anyone want to have a
deep relationship with that God? On the other hand, consider the
courageous testimony of hope we would send if we dared to be
open about our loneliness while the rest of the world stayed
hidden?

Henri Nouwen, in The Wounded Healer, writes, "Who can save a
child from a burning house without taking the risk of being hurt
by the flames? Who can listen to a story of loneliness and
despair without taking the risk of experiencing similar pains in
his own being and even losing his precious peace of mind? In
short: Who can take away suffering without entering it?'"'

As we enter into relationship with others, we do nor grieve as
those who have no hope. Rather, in the midst of our loneliness
we courageously point to Him who offers both hope and the
promise of an end to every wound. As Nouwen puts it: `Perhaps
the main task of the minister is to prevent people from
suffering for the wrong reasons."'  And who of us is called to
minister?

While sharing and exchanging our vulnerabilities with those we
seek to reach, we can also help them understand why loneliness
is a universal experience. Our education of others springs
naturally from deep relationships, as we echo the questions they
didn't even know they had.  Like Jesus on the road to Emmaus,'
we can then open the Scriptures to them as a source of healing
and self-understanding.

There was a woman who was lonely.  Very lonely.  She could not
maintain a relationship with men or women.  Things were so bad
that she would sneak down to the well to get water when no one
else was there.

Only one day someone else was there.  It was Jesus.

Jesus began to deal with her loneliness.  

At first she tried to deflect his probes by talking theology.

Jesus wanted to get real.

He dug past the theology and went to the heart of the matter. 
He opened to her just how much she needed.  As she began to
understand, she felt safe to be free.  

And what did the woman do when she had this acceptance?

She ran to the town. 

What did she say?  Here is a man who has knowledge of the 2300
days?  Here is a man who knows the fine points of theology?

NO.  Her message was a dangerous one.  John 4:29  "Come, see a
Man who told me all things that I ever did. Could this be the
Christ?"

Did they know what she had done?  She went and told the men... 
What do you think? Did it make any difference to her anymore? 
NO.  She had been freed from her loneliness by the acceptance of
her Savior.

And that freedom made her an effective witness.

Genuinely sharing ourselves (the good and the bad) can be a very
natural form of outreach. It can change us.  It can change our
witness.  It will even change our worship.

What about us, brothers and sisters?  Are we ready to come out
from behind our loneliness and defensiveness of that loneliness,
and be real with God and each other?